I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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