Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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