2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
