Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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