I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
