My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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