its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
