the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
