But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize