u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
