I want to make a zoo with you.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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