Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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