I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize