I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
