Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
is that a dick in a sweater?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
