I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
People in love make me want to vomit
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
