mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
