the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
it was like having sex with a tree stump
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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