Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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