Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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