Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
