I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize