I skipped work to stalk him.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
