Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The adults are the big ones right?
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