Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
sex in a hospital.. check
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I touched a dick in church today
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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