u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
