anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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