she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
