Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
