Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
