tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
