dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
