Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
