i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
