What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
