My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize