i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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