Betty ford says i'm here all night
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
