life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Randomize
