Who did Billy Mays play for?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
