So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize