I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
