Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
