In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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