I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
