he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
