I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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