Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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