: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
