Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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