very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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