we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
