The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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