oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
