people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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