don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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