i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
