1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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