I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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