Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
