I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
