Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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