Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
