he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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