Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
