I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
