you have to choose: penises or morals?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
