So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
