What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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