I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
