I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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