I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
