his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
