wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize